bugged with so many things till i can't make a decision

i really wished someone with higher power could tell me what is right for me

really feel like giving up and die

but i know i cannot leave this world too soon yet

im so lost can anyone help me




current status is i have 2 potential jobs

1. docent at marina barrage. low pay which don't justify for my qualification but i kinda like that job. i can see this opportunity to work as a curator, or in a museum, perhaps even a reporter. i always want to be a reporter but i don't have good speaking skill. i hope this job can help me improve on that.

2. engineer at ST. i see this as a last choice i had to make, and recently contacted my friend to arrange for an interview as i see myself going nowhere and desperate. good pay, much much better than the previous job, but its back to the same job i used to do in airforce. basically i don't need to don the military uniform but wear the engineer overall. I'm hesitant because the reason i left in 2015 is because of this and now I'm returning. i only opt for this choice as my last resort, and it seems like i have come to that stage.

so right now i have these 2 options in hand. touching my heart, i know i won't enjoy the second option, but i need money. but fuck what if i make a mistake and don't enjoy the job, just like last time. i will be wasting my time again. for the first option, only concern is the pay, if I'm able to get 2500 i will gladly do it. but it seems they are only giving 2300. I'm putting down my pride and asking for a job as a university graduate. does 2300 really justify my pay grade?