well well well...
so we are back again, or some might call it a fresh start.
it is almost the 1st quarter of 2018 and my life hasn't been pretty to me, much failure in both job and relationships. its pretty shitty i got to say and i myself aint doing so well this few months.
i have been thinking, what if i did this, what if i didn't did this, what if all this time this wasn't meant for me, what is the meaning of life, what is my purpose.
obviously i have been thinking about my life, what i want to do about it. and i get pretty suicidal about it. I'm going 28 and here i am, not knowing my purpose in life. what the hell i have been smoking. don't worry i don't smoke. this question has been bugging me for months, and every night i ask myself "how you doing?" most of the time is "struggling"
so many interviews i went for, they keep asking "what is your passion?" they see me very differently, i can tell it from the looks they gave me, and they are expecting a framed answer that most would love to hear. i mean, i couldn't bring myself to say what they would like to hear. my passion is music and making people around me happy. obviously passion won't bring you far in Singapore, as we are a $$$ driven dog eat dog society. maybe thats why i got rejected so many times. i couldn't package myself "properly" to be fitted into the normal working society.
well, now I'm got an offer, job scope is somewhat related to what i studied. salary wise probably lower than the median salary. a job is a job. i hope this can bring me far, as it is related to the education/arts industry and i hope one day i could manage my own team.
not gonna say much about relationships, the very first one in my 27 years of life ended so abruptly that I'm still in denial, okay maybe not so much but more of a disbelief. i keep telling myself I'm too generous and naive, and i probably deserve someone who is worthy of that (though i secretly hope she will call me one day, which will not happen in this lifetime). all i can say is she made me know what is it like to love someone so deeply and bamm, its gone just like that.
for now, it is going a shit ton of me time in this space. ill try to update this space every 2 days or so.
it is almost the 1st quarter of 2018 and my life hasn't been pretty to me, much failure in both job and relationships. its pretty shitty i got to say and i myself aint doing so well this few months.
i have been thinking, what if i did this, what if i didn't did this, what if all this time this wasn't meant for me, what is the meaning of life, what is my purpose.
obviously i have been thinking about my life, what i want to do about it. and i get pretty suicidal about it. I'm going 28 and here i am, not knowing my purpose in life. what the hell i have been smoking. don't worry i don't smoke. this question has been bugging me for months, and every night i ask myself "how you doing?" most of the time is "struggling"
so many interviews i went for, they keep asking "what is your passion?" they see me very differently, i can tell it from the looks they gave me, and they are expecting a framed answer that most would love to hear. i mean, i couldn't bring myself to say what they would like to hear. my passion is music and making people around me happy. obviously passion won't bring you far in Singapore, as we are a $$$ driven dog eat dog society. maybe thats why i got rejected so many times. i couldn't package myself "properly" to be fitted into the normal working society.
well, now I'm got an offer, job scope is somewhat related to what i studied. salary wise probably lower than the median salary. a job is a job. i hope this can bring me far, as it is related to the education/arts industry and i hope one day i could manage my own team.
not gonna say much about relationships, the very first one in my 27 years of life ended so abruptly that I'm still in denial, okay maybe not so much but more of a disbelief. i keep telling myself I'm too generous and naive, and i probably deserve someone who is worthy of that (though i secretly hope she will call me one day, which will not happen in this lifetime). all i can say is she made me know what is it like to love someone so deeply and bamm, its gone just like that.
for now, it is going a shit ton of me time in this space. ill try to update this space every 2 days or so.
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